By Elea Jürß
This article is part of a series of portraits of graduating students.
Talking to Rasul Tabiev was recommended to me by one of his friends and former roommates. I was given no context whatsoever, just a “maybe you could try to talk to Rasul” when I asked who would make an interesting interview for this series of profiles. So before I could meet him at Polder (a ”very Dutch and undutch place at the same time”), I did my research.
Rasul Tabiev: Former student of the Moscow State Academy of Veterinary Medicine and Biotechnology, Biomedical student at Amsterdam University College, awarded an ASF Scholarship, three completed research Internships at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm two of which supported by a Zimin Foundation Research grant, an Internship at the DKFZ German Cancer Research Center (for which I later found out he fundraised 3000 euros himself), two publications in tumor research, former author for the scientific news organisation PCR.news, and former volunteer for the Ethos Charitable Foundation, helping raise money for humanitarian aid to war victims from Ukraine and Artsakh.
And then I met Rasul, someone who loves cycling, photography, art, and cried when he looked at a plant cell under a microscope. I don’t think I have ever met someone who talks about Amsterdam and living in this city the way Rasul does. This article is not a list of achievements, but the story of someone who has lost a lot, including himself, and continues to find himself in the small things in life.
Rasul is native to the Republic of Dagestan, a minority muslim community in Russia, and moved to Moscow when he was nine years old. Abandoning his degree in Biochemistry, he left Russia with the second wave of migration, followed by a phase of constantly moving, living in Serbia and Turkey before settling in Armenia. He did not see his parents at all, his friends once and had to leave his community behind: “It was the most difficult experience in my life, and really helped me mature and prepare for living in Amsterdam”.
Since high school, biology has always held a special place in his identity: “When I was in a science school in Russia, we took a cell from a plant, put it in a microscope, and then we could see the seeds inside the cells very clearly. I remember I was so amazed I cried. If I cried because I was amazed by the beauty of it, I should stick to it in my life.”
The focus on tumours and oncology came soon after: “We had classes on molecular biology, and it was so complex on such a tiny scale, working so perfectly, that was really beautiful.” Rasul explained how he wanted to find ways to help in that research, to somehow contribute to saving lives.
“Now I’m a bit more frustrated,” he said. After many internships in different fields, with experimental research and computational biology, struggling with the routine of it, he realised that he didn’t see himself in the profession anymore. It’s really difficult for any person to look forward to a particular trajectory for seven years, and then at some point, you don’t see yourself there, and you see people around you doing something similar, progressing in it, succeeding in it, excelling in it. Realising that I wanted to live this life, and now people around me live it. I still love biology, but now I think I’m a bit more lost.”
Struggling like this came in phases, forgetting initial hurdles and trying again, only to come to the same conclusion. His last internship in Germany gave space to the realisation that he didn’t want to do this type of research. Next to this conclusion, he brought a tattoo in his coworker’s handwriting to Amsterdam with him: “Ich will nach hause” (I want to go home)
“I still understand that I want to do biology, but it’s a bit more difficult for me to understand what exactly, where exactly, and so on. This was difficult to face, but I think it was an important experience. I still have biology, even though I don’t know how to do it anymore.” Rasul found that there are so many ways to contribute to saving people’s lives, and he is trying to be more open towards what he can do.
“I feel like I’m just in constant overcoming of the obstacles I’m facing because it has been a difficult period of my life, and now I’m focusing on just living and doing what I want. I’m trying to learn how to enjoy small things. […] I don’t want to win a Nobel Prize anymore. I don’t want to be the best in the field. I just want my job to be important, to be fun, or at least that I won’t hate it,” Rasul explained.
The small things start with appreciation for the city of Amsterdam. In his own reflection, Rasul got out of the AUC bubble relatively early and built his community all over the country. He says his time here fully began when he realised: “I don’t live on campus, I live in a city.”
Aside from discovering his love for cycling, photography recently found a place in his life as well. “You have an image in your head, and just do it, and then you can express whatever you want,” he said. “I feel this urge to document my life because I think it’s going a bit too fast, and sometimes for me it’s difficult to just capture it and enjoy the moment. In that way, I am trying to create a blueprint of my life in its current period; that way, I also reflect more on those moments.”
The fascination with creation continues beyond photography, leading him to art. “I’m curious about how people live their lives, because I think life is incredibly difficult and it’s interesting to see how different people cope with that complexity and difficulty.” The freedom of interpretation he experiences when seeing art, not just in itself, but also in its creation, is his gateway into new forms of thinking.
While in many ways art causes a similar fascination as plant cells and tumours do, “[it] is so much more accessible than a lot of research is. Education generally is becoming less accessible with scholarship and budget cuts. And now with all the wars, money is getting invested into the military instead of research,” he said.
Rasul found out about AUC through an acquaintance’s social media post. The ASF Scholarship was ultimately what allowed him to pursue higher education outside of Russia. Looking back on his time, he admits that the interdisciplinary programme wasn’t a good fit for him. While he would have preferred a bigger focus on biology, he sees the scholarship as one of the biggest boosts of his life. “It helped me understand what I wanna do in life; it allowed me to do it. It also helped me get a social life, a new home, everything.”
Even though AUC was not the perfect fit, being here is what enabled him to look for the small things in life and enjoy them thoroughly. Before we wrapped up and left Polder behind, I was curious how he would imagine his story being told.
“I don’t want them to see a high-achieving, trying-to-do-everything-possible person, but a very vulnerable one that has been severely damaged by leaving their home, losing people that are important to him, […] but I’m managing, and I’m proud of that.”
“I’m trying to convey that it’s very important not to lose yourself and be happy, just do the things you like, and listen to yourself. I think that is what I lacked some years ago, and that is what I’m trying to build now.”
– Rasul Tabiev, third year, Science major
The Herring 