Residents report ongoing incidents of couch infiltration, petty theft, and unclear jurisdiction
By Anna Schuhmann
An unidentified orange cat, commonly referred to as “Simba,” continues to reside illegally within AUC student housing, despite long-standing reports that he is neither permitted indoors nor in need of food.
Attempts to verify Simba’s ownership have failed so far. While multiple students insist that “he definitely has owners,” no individual has been able to produce a name, address, or any verifiable form of contact. The current consensus describes the owners as “somewhere” and “aware, probably.”
Simba himself appears unconcerned with these ambiguities.
Eyewitnesses report that the cat operates on a highly efficient rotational housing system, entering ground-floor rooms through open windows, or taking the elevator to a desired floor and occupying couches overnight. “He doesn’t ask,” one resident states. “He just arrives, evaluates the space, and commits.”
Students further describe a consistent behavioral pattern: brief periods of sleep, light consumption of available resources, and immediate relocation to a secondary site. In several cases, Simba has been observed leaving one residence only to enter another within minutes, suggesting a level of logistical planning previously undocumented in domestic animals.
Beyond unauthorized housing, Simba has been linked to a string of minor but persistent incidents across the dorms. These include:
- the disappearance of multiple teddy bears under unclear circumstances
- the strategic loafing on unattended packages, often for extended periods
- the strategic use of elevators without supervision
- at least one confirmed case of urination in a shared lift
While no official complaint has been filed, the situation has been widely normalized.
Paradoxically, Simba is also credited with maintaining a form of informal campus security. Nighttime sightings are frequent, and several residents have reported rodent control measures attributed to the animal. “There’s a system to it,” one student states. “We’re just not part of it.”
This dual role has complicated efforts to classify the animal. Is Simba a trespasser, a service provider, or an autonomous resident operating outside institutional frameworks?
University housing company Duwo has not issued a formal statement.
In the absence of clear governance, students appear to have reached an unspoken agreement: windows remain open, couches remain accessible, and the question of ownership remains unresolved.
At the time of writing, Simba’s current location is unknown. A teddy bear reported missing earlier this week has yet to be recovered.
The Herring 