Party Supplies for the King’s Day Enthusiast

By Frank Cox

— So you’ve chosen your destination but you haven’t left any time for party supplies. Don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. These party essentials will keep the ball rolling until the police tells everyone to go home:

Orange Morphsuit

For the introverted student who doesn’t want to miss out on parties, consider investing in this orange morphsuit, allowing full anonymity. The sleek design will allow you to let loose your unlimited raving capabilities, safe in the knowledge that no-one will recognize you, and no-one will approach you for conversation either. So long as you have your crazy mode fully engaged, there is nothing to worry about. It comes in orange so you’ll blend in nice with the crowd, but this color can be changed if you’re a special snowflake. Find it here.

Beer Hat

This beer hat will quench your thirst throughout the day. Just add beer. The picture depicts a standard beer for copyright reasons. Fear not, these cans can be replaced with Grolsch or Hertog Jan, depending on your budget. The fittings take all cans, and the hands free design allows the heavy drinker to break his fall after one too many. Just remember: the hat offers protection from the sun but not for your liver, so apply a soft drink to the hat after every other beer. That way you’ll be partying like the classiest alcoholic, all the way into oblivion. Find it here.

Giant Beach Ball

It wouldn’t be a party without a large beach ball or other semi-floating object bouncing around the scenery and spilling beer everywhere. Now you get to be that guy! How many times have you had to pat away an inflatable toy hurtling towards your face during an outdoor party? Now think how many times you supplied your own? Get with the program! These party-goers won’t annoy themselves. Pro-modification: consider an inflatable sex doll for added hilarity!  Find it here.

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