By Camille De Ripainsel
Last year, AUC introduced a new attendance policy, hoping it would get more students to show up to class. But despite these new rules, students stayed absent, and early morning classes remained empty. Yet, something extraordinary happened, a miracle that was going to motivate every student: the coffee machine on the first floor of the AB now served free coffee.
Word began to spread, quietly at first, whispered between sips of espresso. Scanning your UvA student card at the machine would grant you everything for free. Was it a glitch? Some sort of divine intervention? No one knew, but one thing was clear: it worked. And like any good secret, it wasn’t one for long.
Sceptical students turned into coffee fans, and the once small queues transformed into ones resembling those on Black Friday. Running on seven coffees a day, elevators were abandoned as students suddenly began sprinting to class with the energy of marathon runners. The canteen became quiet, leaving staff wondering if they had somehow lost their ability to brew a decent cup.
For months students lived in a coffee paradise, delighted that, for once, they were getting their money’s worth out of their tuition. What started as a crazy discovery soon became a part of AUC’s routine: students enjoyed their free coffee in between classes, as they watched ducks swim peacefully outside in the pond. Life was good.
Naturally, some wondered if this was truly a happy accident. Surely, someone must have noticed the machine was being refuelled daily without a single euro being made? Yet the free coffee stayed unchallenged.
But as with all great things, it couldn’t last forever.
At the end of September, panic set in when the coffee suddenly stopped being free. Indeed, students were shocked: they had to pay! The blessed era was over. Students now have stopped gathering on the first floor, elevators are back to full capacity, the attendance of morning lectures is close to zero, and the tea bags are being stolen again.
Some began wondering what sudden changes had occurred since the beginning of the academic year that deprived them of delicious coffee free of charge. While fault could easily be put on the arrival of the new class of 2027, the true reason behind it was quickly discovered, thanks to an investigation conducted by The Herring.
Through an interview with a confidential source from within the administration, it was revealed that AUC realised their strategy to boost attendance with coffee had not only succeeded—it had worked too well. According to our source, “The students are now getting way too smart. Students were attending lectures, and professors complained about having to teach full classes where students paid attention. Last semester’s low failure rate in logic was particularly alarming.”
Indeed, the administration realised they may have sparked an intellectual awakening they had not anticipated, which made them go back on their decision of letting the coffee be free.
Students now face lectures and deadlines with cold coffee cups brought from home, as they patiently await another miracle. One must wonder if free coffee will ever return to the halls of AUC or if this year’s graduation gifts will not be a mug or shot glass, but a tikkie listing every “free” coffee drank over the past year.
Nevertheless, what we can be sure of, is that the machine, with its once loyal and free service, will forever hold a special place in our hearts. Even if the coffee now has a bitter taste of its memory.
The Herring 